leg | Life in the Can

see, it simply needed another leg to attach to the wall

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:06:55 -0400

my lady @resalequeen's new leg shaving device

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 20:22:09 -0500

thought I'd spend some time with my lady since I started to feel
better. so she takes me to goodwill. I'm sick again. tonight it smells
like bo and boiling hot dogs.

Tags: lady tonight sick goodwill smells

hercleman the fauxberman

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:45:34 -0500

this here is the handsome and extremely active, hercleman at 17 weeks.

he's tipping the scale at 27 pounds and has very dobie tendencies.

we're going to wait a bit on the test to see what the other part of his fauxberman legacy is but the wait is killing me.

Tags: wait hercleman fauxberman bit test

long neck, long legs and a short chin

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 18:26:53 -0400

gigi had fun for a few minutes with this chome plating on an exhibit.

this little series also yielded some of the scariest pictures i have ever taken. goose bump type stuff.

Tags: long yielded series little scariest

long legs and flowers

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 10:05:12 -0400

the maestro and his sister are ready to roll on out.

Tags: sister roll maestro flowers legs

Uncut: Session C for Episode 6

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:29:53 -0400

LitC Session C Ep 6 - download
For Episode: 6
Length: 28:34
Size: 19.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy's on Facebook
I'll get more friends than all you people
So come over and friend up
I also signed up for LinkedIn
Yeah, hilarious, LinkedIn is for people jobs
The IT actress
That is perfect for you
Where are all the unemployed people?
Facebook
That's where I need to be
There are people on here that I haven't talk to in years
Not since they told me they had crabs
It would be so much funnier if it wasn't true
How can you start friending old boy friends right away?
I'm not sure most people lived our lives
Not when they were 18-21
I found my neighbor
You are creeping me out
I've done open mic night . . . twice
Throw that at your old neighbor
My running gig where I pay to perform
Like your sex life would be without me
Sure I can do that for you uncle Jeb
Just don't touch me
That would make me gay
Uncomfortable situations in an El Camino
Especially in you hot pants
Fix the vinyl with duct tape
Did you never have vinyl seats
There were classy
Leather seats made from flesh
The two-seater that teens would like
I could have ended up with your dad
Just don't touch me
I'm totally Facebook addicted
It's like a bar for old people
I love it
You should have explained it to you as that
Like a lion in the grass
I don't really use Facebook that much
Counting the crab havers
Your boyfriends were all dirty and gross
Kris, use conditioners
Rest, clean up with Rid
You are there crazy chicks
I know that goatee is going to come rolling up someday
I didn't try to attack any girl
Your mom took it as I was trying to rape somebody
You're a bad wife friending the crab man
If you want to go truck stop to truck stop to find your old flames
Go ahead
My first love needed a body guard
Evidently the rumor of my seedy friends got around
Small town living
Crazy hair and using no conditioner
My mom was so right
Listen here hay head
All my ex'es are hiding
Hey man, what happened to you
That's not what I heard, man
My unsavory friends
I will take a VD case cured with an OTC before 9mm on the table
There's money to be made off of those people
What's the real story?
He said that I was committed for 3 years
Uh, no
Maybe that is why they all run
I was getting my shit together
All my friends, not one, have it together
When you look for friends, it's to see who's alive
He's scary
The guy you end up in the front seat with
Having a bowling alley at their home
That will screw up your kids
They are fucked
The karmic bite in the ass
You watch television
You're cut off, go get a job
That kind of commerce can only get you so far
Time to take a vacation
I don't know how you got in
Right high school and a priest helped me
A priest did you a favor? Don't ever tell anyone that
This isn't working me anymore
I'm going to roll out
Your tomato garden isn't shit
I paid for your robe
He got double helpings at dinner
I was accepted to college during my junior year
So I could blow off my senior year
Never had problems before that
Finding your jewish husband
I bet they have real butter here
This is a nice school
Your mom didn't grow up poor either
Where is that guy now?
Jobless
Take that baby
I'm so lucky to have you
I see some sparks flying
Not jewish, no trust fund
How did I end up with you?
Everybody gets unemployed some times
Tomorrow he'll be on Facebook with you
Somebody is west chicago hates you!
No, you got me almost
It's some guy in Ghana
The expats walking around
Cool to be an expat
I picked a random country
The guy was talking about the kids outside
Playing with a tin can and kicking a dead monkey
OK, uncle Jeb
Not enough monkey in his life
Concern over the international thing
People don't move to the Bahamas for the schools

Who are we? "We" are Kris Smith and Betsy Smith, no relation, and Croncast was our first podcast. From Nov. 2004 to June of 2008 we created 500 thirty-minute episodes, all freely available at www.croncast.com.

Tags: jewish husband facebook truck stops linkedin expat

Uncut: Session A for Episode 6

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 09:09:34 -0400

LitC Session A Ep 6 - download
For Episode: 6
Length: 23:37
Size: 16.1 mb
Format: mp3

Loading up your RadioFlyer
I know what cube life is like
Most people enjoy social interaction
Co-workers hang together
I didn't get that when I worked in corporate America
I've never worked in an IT department
Now, baby, I need to talk to you about something
My razors go missing
Right, because we share
You think we share
Are you trying to bust me out in front of the people
What part of your body to you shave to get four inch hairs?
What are you talking about?
You inner thigh
Your hygiene shavey issues
Get your own razors
I find one with destroyed blades
If I used it on my head I would bleed out in the shower
It's filled with gunk
So I finally ask
But you shouldn't dry shave your legs
Really, what was it?
Your reply, "home pedicure"
So gross
The stuff stuck in the razor was your flesh
Scrap paneling from Handy Andy
Midlife crisis number 4
You know you are having one when you watch House Hunters International
with a notepad
I like nature outside
Can't live by the ocean because there are sharks in there
Where did you pick up your fear of shark?
I don't know
Bars with stuffed sharks are off limits too
Killed by a stuff shark
I'd take pictures of it
She used my razors and was a pack rat, she deserved it!

Who are we? "We" are Kris Smith and Betsy Smith, no relation, and Croncast was our first podcast. From Nov. 2004 to June of 2008 we created 500 thirty-minute episodes, all freely available at www.croncast.com.

Tags: House Hunters International midlife crisis home pedicure bleed out shark fear

Roll with it . . .

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 13:53:01 -0400

When it comes to the podcasts that we are releasing, some folks seem to be having trouble deciding which they prefer. Betsy and I say, "Roll with it."

Pick the style that you like and don't look back. Thanks for sending emails explaining why you have chosen one over the other, it's helpful as we shape Life in the Can.

As for those that have unsubscribed because it "confused" you -- your loss.

We'll still be here cranking out one new Episode a week and releases Croncast style, the way many of you were used to getting them three days a week.

Breaking it down

		Episodes - are the main LitC show released on per week on Mondays. They are "the show". Episodes are produced from Sessions (see below) that are recorded to capture our best stories. Episodes get the audio nerd treatment of post-production intro music, editing, transitions and additional love.

		Sessions - are the recorded improv sessions, dry runs, what some might call "a rehearsal" for the main show - the weekly Episode. We release these uncut sessions in succession throughout the week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, just like we did for Croncast. Decide on the type you like, subscribe and roll with it. We will.

Tags: Life in the Can Funniest Podcast episodes sessions

Uncut: Session C for Episode 2

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0400

Life in the Can Ep 2 - litc-ses-c-ep-2-2008-07-18.mp3
For Episode: 2
Length: 33:26
Size: 23.0mb
Format: mp3

I'm Kris and she's Betsy
When we last left you
Betsy just vomited on a palmetto bug
As my head hit the pillow
He has the junk gene
The game face too
Prop up something with a cinder block
I woke hungover, well a bit drunk
Nothing stronger than a Marlboro Light to garage sale with
You lack the common sense to be a successful thrifter, Kris
The junk you grew up around
Not valuable to anyone
Did they pick up junk where you lived?
Taking nothing bigger than a bread box
The steel drum was your garbage can?
Sorry, didn't realize you were the Ewings
You lived a donkey kong life
It was like riding a lawn mower with two wheels
The feral cat problem brought ingenuity
Quikrete cat trap
Don't worry about pale and pudgy
You care nothing for your Mikasa garage sale set
I needed salt
Kris, it was disgusting
Nothing wrong with ordering extra ham in my omelet
And then adding a side of ham
Mark suggested ham juice
The meetup was awesome
Very low key, normal folks
You, you, with the eye contact
Catch your own live fish
Go to the bathroom now
Where we are going the bathroom is nasty
You'll have to hover at this joint
Instantly I have to pee
We're going to the Clermont Lounge
What's that?
A strip club
I don't think I am supposed to go with you, Kris
It's a hospitality issue
The Clermont is an Atlanta landmark
Blondy, she can crush beer cans with her tits, she's over 60
Oh, grandma snatch . . . I am so there
And then comes in a grandma
Not Blondy
Kris, I think it is your birthday
No, no, no, no, no
Carol slides her a $20
You looked so uncomfortable
It hurt
She begins her twisted dance of nothingness
All she had was hip slapping and nudity
Get her the denture cream
She starts to walk away
Turns quickly
Puts her leg on table
Other one in my chair
Pulls up her skirt, "Bam, Peach Cobbler"
I've seen it all
Grandma stripper, check

Who are we? "We" are Kris Smith and Betsy Smith, no relation, and Croncast was our first podcast. From Nov. 2004 to June of 2008 we created 500 thirty-minute episodes, all freely available at www.croncast.com.

Tags: Clermont Lounge Atlanta Peach Cobbler feral cats thrifting

big winner

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 21:53:58 -0400

here's the beginning of my own college fund. i need nothing from you suckers. let it ride!!!!

Tags: need nothing suckers ride fund

best leg warmers in san francisco

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:35:00 -0400

just met michelle here in sf. she was denny hastert's neighbor.

Tags: leg warmers denny hastert neighbor michelle lupie yorkville

lunch with @internetcases

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:24:36 -0500

two dudes walk into a bar and open their laptops . . .

evan is stoked to be at his old stomping grounds from college.

he's showing me pics on flickr from 10 yrs ago in this bar.

Tags: bar showing college grounds pics

Cup of Noodles #3

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 10:39:41 -0500

Maggie destroyed this cup of noodles for lunch. I think that she might have actually eaten six noodles.

Betsy and I are preparing the kids for college and the day when a cup of noodles is a culinary standard.

Tags: noodles cup kids preparing college

Betsy nerding out again

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 16:14:03 -0400

Betsy was rocking this out yesterday morning to pledge her allegiance to the new nerd lifestyle that she leads.

And like myself she is coming to grips with.

Tags: betsy lifestyle leads myself grips